Misery Loves Company
by JaggerK
Summary: Many children suffer through that horrible right of passage - seeing their parents or guardians in compromising positions. Why should the members of The Team be any different? Rated for highly suggestive situations but no actual sex scenes. Series of One-shots
1. Kitten

Artemis gritted her teeth and tried in vain to get loose from Robin's hold. He'd already shown her this pin twice and refused to let her go easy on the third try. It was quiet in the Mountain so the two of them were alone in the training room sparring.

"Come on, Artemis." Robin coaxed. "I know you can do this."

"Easy for you to say." Artemis huffed out a breath. "Not all of us were trained by Batman and get to spar with him and Catwoman in our spare time." Inspiration flashed in her mind. "Kitten."

Robin's hold on her loosened. Artemis took advantage of his distraction, bucking up, grabbing the boy wonder, and flipping him under her to pin him down. He merely stared up at her.

"What did you call me?" The lenses of his mask covered his eyes but he was obviously flustered.

"I think you heard me just fine, kitten." The blonde archer smirked.

"You can NOT call me that." Robin looked around the training room wildly.

"Problem?" Artemis was grinning.

"Yes!" He hissed. "What if the guys heard you?"

"So what's it worth to you to not have anyone know that a certain feline calls you kitten?" She paused watching his head swivel around the room checking for lurking teammates. "Or that someone else is called Tiger?"

His head snapped back to her and now he was smirking. "Oh, I think the question really is – how much is it worth to you to make sure he never finds out you have that information?"

"Yeah, okay." Her mouth twisted. "Knowing that does kind of gross me out."

"Hey, at least you've never come across them on patrol getting frisky on a rooftop."

"Ewwww." She jumped backward and to her feet. "Why would you share that with me? Yuck!"

"Hey, misery loves company." Robin bounced into a standing position. "Word of advice – if G.A. ever tells you not to follow him into a certain sector on patrol, listen. You'll likely find him and Canary doing the same thing."

Artemis stared at him. Ollie wasn't her father or her guardian but he was her mentor and Dinah was their trainer it was still gross to think about! "No! They wouldn't! That's just – Ewwww."

"Ask Roy. Happened to him. Maybe it's something we all have to suffer through." Robin was grinning now.

"No! Why would you put that image in my head? That's so-"

"Artemis? What's wrong?" The voice behind them caused both Artemis and Robin to spin around. Green Arrow and Black Canary stood behind them looking concerned. Arrow's arm was around Canary's waist holding her pressed to his side. Canary's arm was draped over his broad shoulder. It was more than the teenager could stand. A low scream worked itself out of Artemis' throat before she spun around and ran out of the opposite exit of the training room. Robin's cackling laughter followed her out.


	2. Trauma

Wally, Artemis, and Robin dropped down on to various pieces of furniture in the lounge of the mountain. Conner and M'gann were already there; M'gann comforting a slumped over Conner.

"What's wrong with him?" Wally waved a hand toward Conner.

"He saw" M'gann smiled weakly. "something."

"Well that's specific." Robin swung his legs up over the arm of his chair and settled in.

"I didn't know." Conner muttered.

"It could have happen to anyone." M'gann rubbed a hand soothingly on Conner's back.

"Dude! What happened?" Wally snagged the bowl of chips off the table while shooting the question at Conner. Artemis snuggled into Wally's side and took a handful of chips for herself.

Conner lifted miserable eyes and looked at his friends.

"You know how things are much better with Kal and me?" Everyone nodded in response to his question. "I've been dropping by his and Lois' apartment so he can help me with my powers. I have control over my superhearing now and we're working on some other things. Lois even gave me a key."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "I was early today so I just let myself in because I didn't expect them to be home. It wasn't until I was walking past the hall to the bedrooms that I heard someone moan in what I thought was pain."

"Oh no." Artemis was horrified.

Conner grimaced. "Oh yes. I heard the moan again, I was sure it had to be Lois, who else could it be? I just reacted."

"Dude." Wally's voice was low and almost as horrified as Artemis'. Robin was struggling valiantly not to laugh. "Please tell me they weren't…"

Conner nodded sadly. "Kal didn't even have time to react. I guess, ummm, that distracts you. I, ah, didn't see Lois cause Kal was, ummm, on top." He covered his face with his hands. "I'm never going to forget what Kal's naked butt looks like, am I?"

"Nope." Robin snorted. "We should form a support group for those of us who've been traumatized by seeing Justice Leaguers having sex."

Conner spread his fingers open to look at Robin. "You too?"

"Batman and Catwoman. Rooftop. Batcave. On more than one occasion." The Boy Wonder nodded, and then motioned to Wally.

"Oh yeah. Walked in on Uncle Barry and Aunt Iris. First time was totally my fault. But the second time? The kitchen table? Seriously? We eat off of that!" Wally sounded indignant.

"You know, Artemis, your time is coming." Robin smirked. "G.A. and Canary can barely keep their hands off each other and they like to live dangerously. Law of averages is against you."

"Yeah, babe." Wally laughed. "Totally going to happen to you. The stories Roy could tell you."

Wally continued to laugh as Artemis pummeled him with a pillow. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop saying that!"

Robin cackled. "Protest all you want. You know we're not wrong."

Artemis reached for another pillow just as the zeta portal announcement flared to life.

 _Recognized Superman 01_

Conner's head jerked up, his eyes panicked. "RUN!"


	3. Workout

It was, in Dick Grayson's mind, a good day to be alive. A water pipe at Gotham Academy had burst causing classes to be cut short for the day. It was a Friday which meant the added bonus of a long weekend. Alfred had picked him up and dropped him off at the manor before heading back out to take care of errands he expected to take him most of the day.

Dick had changed out of his school uniform and into workout clothes before heading to the Batcave. Alfred had informed him that both Bruce and Selina were in the Cave already. Dick had high hopes of being able to spar with Selina. Sparring with her, while hard and exhausting, was always more fun than with Bruce. She had a dancer's style to her fighting that suited his aerialist's soul nicely. She also didn't mind verbal jousting matches.

He heard noises from the weight room and headed there. The sight that greeted him was not at all what he expected.

Bruce was flat on his back on the weight bench wearing nothing but his shorts which were pulled down over his hips. Selina rose fluidly above him, her body arched, dark hair cascading down her back, hands braced on his chest. Bruce's large hands gripped Selina's waist and slid up along her rib cage.

Dick gaped at them, horrified. Selina's mouth opened and Bruce's name tumbled out in a throaty purr. The sound snapped Dick into motion.

"EWWWWW! GROSS!" He flung his arms out and waved them as if to dispel the image in front of him. "What is wrong with you? On the weight bench? I have to exercise on that! I am so not whelmed right now." He turned and ran out of the weight room, straight up the stairs, and through the old clock without stopping.

Selina and Bruce froze for a moment staring at each other and then Selina began to shake.

"Don't." The word was practically a growl in Bruce's throat. The shaking only increased. "Don't."

Selina collapsed on Bruce's chest laughing. After a few seconds his arms tightened around her. She could feel a low rumbling in his chest as he laughed lowly along with her.


	4. Water Games

Kaldur swam swiftly to quiet secluded area he used when he wanted to be alone. A pretty little spot that he was sure no one else was aware existed. It had been hard weeks with the Team recently. Good missions but exhausting. Coming home had seemed like the answer but even that wasn't quite right. There was still his quiet spot though. This was always his refuge.

He slipped through the small tunnel entrance which opened suddenly into a massive cavern. As he entered his eye was caught by movement on the far side near the top of the cavern. He stopped pressing himself back into the mouth of the tunnel.

His quiet spot was no longer his alone it seemed. A pair of lovers had found it. They were twisting in the water high above his head, oblivious to his presence. He should leave but he was transfixed by the ferocious beauty of their dance. They were entwined, fighting to touch more of each other, her long flame coloured hair obscuring details from Kaldur's view.

The woman's head tilted back, the man's head borrowing down. To press his lips along her neck, Kaldur thought. He wondered what her face would look like in that moment.

The man's hands came up to grab his lover's face and pull her into a kiss. The woman's hair moved so Kaldur could clearly see both of their faces for the first time….the shock hit him like one of Blockbuster's fists.

King Orin? Queen Meara? Here? Doing this? And Kaldur had seen. It was…wrong. They were royalty. They shouldn't be out here. They should be in the castle.

King Orin, Aquaman, was his mentor. That made it worse. Kaldur had to leave, fast. He swam back through to tunnel to Atlantis, his mind racing. His stomach churned.

What could he do? How would he handle this? He needed to calm down, think rationally. He had resources. Both Kid Flash and Robin had been through similar experiences. Neither of their mentors were kings, true, but to be honest about it Batman was scarier than Aquaman so it couldn't hurt to talk it out with the other teens. Similar to what the surface dwellers called a support group. Newly determined, Kaldur continued toward Atlantis and the Zeta tube.


	5. Kitchen Duty

Wally West loved science. It made the torturous days of high school worth it. It was science after all that had made him into Kid Flash and brought him closer to Uncle Barry. Science made him into a superhero. Science made him a part of the Team. It gave the best friends in the world, even if he did have to put up with Artemis.

He really, really wanted to get to Uncle Barry to talk about his latest chemistry project. It was going to be amazing. He knew Uncle Barry would let him bounce ideas off him off and discuss things. He would even let him have access to the police lab to test stuff out. Uncle Barry was really cool that way. It was too bad he couldn't have access to the Batcave. Wally just bet that the lab there was a million times better than the police lab. Or the one on the Watchtower. He snorted to himself, no way was Batman letting either of those happen.

Wally's parents were really cool too. Science just wasn't their thing. Science and speed was just for him and Uncle Barry. His parents were awesome about it though. They let him be Kid Flash. How many parents would do that? There were rules about it though, strict rules. Although, the rules got a bit looser as he got older and proved himself.

He was so excited as he ran the distance between his house and Uncle Barry and Aunt Iris'. He was practically vibrating with the excitement as he ran fast enough that no one would see him. Wally slowed down before he hit their street and forced himself to walk to their house. His mother had made him wait until after dinner to go talk to Uncle Barry. It had been unbearable.

The front door was unlocked so he let himself in. The house was fairly silent but then he heard noises coming from the kitchen. He zipped through the front of the house straight into the kitchen coming to a sudden halt. He gaped at the sight before him and his mind processed the image before him in agonizingly slow motion.

There were dishes on Iris' normally spotless floor. They had obviously been pushed off the table in a hurry, their contents slipped out. The few dishes that remained on the table provided a frame for his Aunt Iris. She was on her back on the table, the skirt from her suit pushed up around her waist, her blouse ripped open. The only saving grace was that Uncle Barry was covering most of her with his body. Uncle Barry, though, his pants and underwear were around his ankles. His shirt was in a heap on the floor. Aunt Iris had one hand sunk in his hair as she moaned into his mouth. The other was clawing at his back.

"What." Wally's voice seemed to be back." What are you guys doing?"

Iris and Barry froze, then broke the kiss and looked toward Wally.

"Wally." Iris spoke breathlessly. "What are you doing here?"

"Me?" Wally was defensive. "What am I doing here? What are you doing? The first time was my fault, clearly, but this, this is….." He waved his hand at them. "We eat _food_ here. What are you thinking?"

"Wally." Barry started.

"No, just no. You can't just do that where we eat. You can't just have…" Wally's eyes widen as the full impact what was happening hit him. "I, I have to go. Somewhere. Else. Somewhere that isn't here. Going, right now."

With that he turned on his heel and ran out of the house leaving Barry and Iris confused behind him.


	6. Auto Mechanics

**This is at the beginning of Damian's stay at the Manor. For all the things he's been trained for coming across his Father and Selina having sex is not one of those things. This might seem a bit of character but I figured he really wouldn't have any context for it. Knowing about something is one thing; seeing it up close and in action is another.**

Damian slipped quietly through the shadows of the deepest part of the Cave. He hadn't been able to find his father for some time but he knew he was on the Manor grounds some place. This was the last place left to check. The only thing kept back here was the wreck of the original Batmobile.

Father only kept it for foolish, sentimental reasons. Grayson said Kyle had wrecked it providing a distraction for them to escape Scarecrow and his men. She hadn't intended to wreck it but the fear toxin had gotten the better of her. Maybe she was not as formidable as he had thought, Damian sniffed, but at least his Father and brother had lived.

As the wreck came into sight Damian heard moaning sounds. He saw his father, shorts around his ankles, leaning over the hood of the car thrusting forward. Damian frowned. A delicate feminine hand snaked up and around his Father's shoulder, the fingers digging into the hair on the back of his head.

"Harder Bruce. Harder! Please!" That was _Kyle's_ voice! Damian's widened as he realized what he was seeing and his father began to thrust forward more vigorously at the same time.

Damian spun and ran through Cave. He sprinted up the stairs through the clock into the study. He slammed into to a solid body and would have hit the floor if a hand hadn't reached out to grab him.

"Whoa. Where's the fire, little D?" Dick smiled at him.

Damian leapt onto his brother burying his head into his shoulder, clinging to him like a burr. Jason, Babs, and Tim watched the boy with amusement.

"Dami? You okay? What's going on?" Dick awkwardly patted the boy's back and looked at the others for help. They merely shrugged their shoulders.

"They, Father, Kyle. Downstairs. It's disgusting." Damian mumbled into Dick's shirt.

"Ah. Yes. That." Dick was unsure what to say next.

"It's okay Damian." Barbara put her hand on his shoulder. "It's happened to all of us."

The boy lifted his head to look at her and his siblings. "Really?"

"Sure." Tim nodded encouragingly. "All of us, except Jason." He narrowed his eyes at Jason. "Why does it never happen to you?"

"Maybe cause I'm not as uptight as you guys. If I had gotten to see Selina doing the wild thing at – how old where you the first time Dickie? 12? – I would have been living every boy's dream. I could have done without Bruce but hey, nothing's perfect. Now, it's nice to know the Big Guy can still keep her happy…." Barbara slapped her hand over Jason's mouth to shut him up.

Dick and Tim glared at Jason.

"Grayson, release me at once." Damian pushed off Dick and landed on the floor.

"Are you sure you're okay, Dami?" Dick eyed Damian, suspicious at his sudden change in attitude.

"Of course, while seeing the vulgar display put on by Father and Kyle was shocking I do not require that you take this as an opportunity to cling to me. I am not a child. I understand how carnal relations work. Now, I am going to get some tea from Pennyworth." With that, Damian strode out the door.

Tim mouthed the words 'carnal relations' at Dick, raising one eyebrow. Dick shrugged and shook his head. With a warning look Babs released Jason. She and the two boys followed Damian out of the study.

Jason looked at the old clock.

"I never wanted to see what Damian just saw." He whispered. "I don't know how I made it this far without seeing it. Was that the trade off – I died so I never have to see you two having sex? Because it might be worth it. Otherwise, I might have to start announcing myself when I'm entering rooms. Then it might spill out on to the streets. Red Hood announcing himself as he approaches alleys and rooftops is not going to look good. Especially not if it gets out that I'm doing it so I don't have to see my…..parents having sex. Ruin all our reps." His lips quirk up. "Okay, maybe not Batman's rep."

He walked out of the study and headed toward the kitchen to join the others.


	7. Monkey Business

WATCHTOWER

INTERIOR WALLS

It was entirely his fault but in the end, he wasn't entirely blameless either. When it came down to it there were just places in the Watchtower that were too small for even Robin. Quarterly, The Atom shrunk down in size to check certain areas and conduits that he just didn't completely trust to be left to automated maintenance. Even, if that automated maintenance had been upgraded by him and Batman. Bumblebee assisted him and sometimes so did Gar if systems didn't require a large amount of scientific knowledge.

He'd started to understand why Robin liked crawling around in the ventilation systems. It was like its own little world in there. Not to mention, that you sometimes heard interesting stuff and learned all kinds of neat routes around the Watchtower.

Dr Palmer had sent him to check on some problems with paneling in the rooms that the Green Lanterns used while on the Watchtower which all happened to be in a row. The problem seemed to be occurring inside the wall. It was the perfect time to deal with it as all the Lanterns were either on Oa or on Earth for the next few days. Dr Palmer had insisted he needed to pay close attention to the room schematics to ensure he got the right rooms.

Gar hurried along the inside of the wall in the form of a mouse. It was really a lot of fun running along in there. Sometimes, he just ran along in there for absolutely no purpose at all. He came to a stop at his first destination and studied the back of the wall panel as it had been described to him.

He changed from a mouse to a small monkey so he could use his hands. There was just enough room in the wall to allow it. Gar began to pull at the piece of metal that seemed to be causing the problem. He felt it pull free and felt a sharp tug of satisfaction. Suddenly, the wall panel dropped free and the world slowed almost to a halt.

The room most definitely did NOT belong to a Green Lantern or if it did the Hawks were going to have some explaining to do. Katar and Shayera hung in mid-air buck naked. Their bodies were pressed tightly together with Shayera's strong legs wrapped around Katar's waist. Their mouths were joined in a hot kiss. Katar's wings beat the air slowly keeping them aloft while Shayera clawed at his shoulders and back.

"Oh. My. God." The words slipped out of Gar's mouth unbidden.

Katar and Shayera broke their kiss, staring at one another and then their heads whipped to the side. Gar sat in the open wall still in monkey form.

"Ummm, hi?" He scratched the back of his head. "Would you believe this was a total mistake? It's really kind of funny actually." Katar growled and tried to take a step forward which Gar thought looked ridiculous with Shayera attached to him. A laugh escaped him. Katar growled louder. "Yeah, right, not funny. K. I'll be going now." With that he changed back into mouse form and scurried off into the walls.

Gar launched out of the vent at the other end in the form of a falcon with the sound of Shayera laughing and Katar yelling his name ringing in his ears. He flew as fast as he could in search of Nightwing or Batman. At this point, he was sure only one of them could protect him from the enraged Hawk.

In the end, Batman ran interference while Nightwing called for Miss Martian to come up from the surface and make her little brother his favourite foods to help him recover from his recent traumatic misadventure.

 _Thanks for the last line goes to Trisribe. As does the inspiration for the story._


	8. What Goes Around

Artemis stretched her legs as she ran across rooftops in her Tigress uniform. For all of its problems, she loved Star City. It wasn't as sweet and light as Central City or as dark and unforgiving as Gotham. It sat somewhere between, closer to Gotham than Central, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

The day before had been spent with all the original Team members except, of course, for Wally. Everyone was brought up to date on lives, stories were told and retold, and laughter was rampant. Dick had even told a hysterical story about Gar stumbling across the Hawks el flagrante delicto.

That seemed to be an ongoing theme for the Team – coming across Justice Leaguers, particularly your own mentor, guardian, or parent, in an intimate moment. Dick had been telling her for years she was going to find Green Arrow and Black Canary in some inappropriate moment. Apparently, it had happened to Roy multiple times. Artemis grinned smugly to herself. She had managed to escape that unpleasant fate unlike her teammates. Now that she was an adult it was a moot point, she simply wouldn't ever accidentally walk in on anyone else having sex. It wasn't like she didn't know what it sounded like or would run into the room too fast like some speedsters she knew.

A few rooftops away she spotted the dark figure of Green Arrow leaping. She'd been watching for him all night to talk to him about some odd activity she had seen earlier. He was moving fast but she watched him slip into an abandoned building. Setting an easy pace she followed along behind him.

Artemis slipped quietly through the building. No sign of Green Arrow but he wasn't likely to leave one. She cleared to the top floor quickly and headed for the one below it. The first room on that floor was empty. Artemis glanced into the second room and froze. She had found Green Arrow and he wasn't alone.

Arrow stood with his hips braced against an old desk, his head thrown back, mouth open in voiceless cry of ecstasy. Canary was kneeling on the floor in front of him, her hands gripping his hips, while his hands were wrapped in handfuls of Canary's hair. Artemis couldn't move, she couldn't blink. Then suddenly, all at once, she sucked in a lung full of air and was running as quietly as she could back up to the roof.

She opened the access door, heart pounding in her ears, and ran straight into a hard male body. She almost shrieked from the shock.

"Tigress!" Red Arrow had to grab her arms to keep her from falling over. "What's going on? What happened?"

"Arrow, Canary. I, they." Artemis' eyes were wide with shock.

Red Arrow lowered Artemis slowly to the ground. "I'll take care of it." He had no clue what had put Artemis in such a state or what he was taking care of but it obviously had to be handled. He threw one worried glance at Artemis and headed through the access door.

Red Arrow was gone just slightly more than two minutes. He returned, shot off a rappelling arrow, yanked Artemis tight up against him, and allowed the arrow to pull them off the rooftop.

Roy and Artemis sat on a rooftop far from the one where they had left Arrow and Canary. Artemis was huddled into Roy's side with his muscled arm wrapped tight around her.

"I'm never going to be able to unsee that, am I?" She finally whispered against his armour.

"I'm afraid not. Burned into your retinas. Mine too now, to go with the rest of my collection." He told her with a sigh.

"Oh, I'm so sorry." Artemis bit her lip. "I was just in shock. I should have stopped you."

"I am so never doing that to Lian." His voice was grim. "My baby is not being traumatized."

"There are two things wrong with that." Artemis was skeptical. "One. Those are her grandparents and I have just proven that they _will_ traumatize us some way, somehow. Two. Unless you plan to stop having sex with her mother she is going to catch you at some point, it is our legacy. Ask Dick."

"Not going to happen." Roy looked stubborn.

"So you're going with the not having sex with her mother option?" Artemis was grinning now. "Have you met Jade? I think the constant option of having sex with you is the biggest perk of being married to you for her. She gave up the Shadows for you; she isn't giving up sex."

He scowled at her.

"Course in Lian's life there are any number of people she could see it happen with – Catwoman & Batman, Arrow & Canary, Nightwing & whomever he's dating this week."

"Okay, okay. I get it." Roy paused. "Do you think that maybe heroes have way too much sex in way too many risky places? There seems to be a lot of us getting caught."

"Well, now that you mention it….."


	9. Prophetic

" _I am so never doing that to Lian." His voice was grim. "My baby is not being traumatized."_

" _There are two things wrong with that." Artemis was skeptical. "One. Those are her grandparents and I have just proven that they will traumatize us some way, somehow. Two. Unless you plan to stop having sex with her mother she is going to catch you at some point, it is our legacy. Ask Dick."_

" _Not going to happen." Roy looked stubborn._

" _So you're going with the not having sex with her mother option?" Artemis was grinning now. "Have you met Jade? I think the constant option of having sex with you is the biggest perk of being married to you for her._ _She gave up the Shadows for you; she isn't giving up sex."_

 _He scowled at her._

" _Course in Lian's life there are any number of people she could see it happen with – Catwoman & Batman, Arrow & Canary, Nightwing & whomever he's dating this week."_

 **AGE 3**

Jade froze suddenly and stared up at her husband. "Roy, tell me you have a third hand and it's on my foot at this very moment."

Roy stopped thrusting into his wife and stared back at her. "Ummm, I can tell you that if you want."

A giggle erupted from the bottom of the bed. "Whatcha you guys doin'?"

There was really only one reaction parents could have to that question, Roy and Jade broke into hysterical laughter.

 **AGE 6**

"Ollie, no." Dinah held out a hand to ward off Oliver as she backed up.

"Come on, Pretty Bird." Oliver continued to advance as Dinah backed closer to the bed. "We'll just be a little late."

"That isn't the best way to convince a girl, Ollie." Dinah smirked at him. The back of her knees hit the bed and she went down. Ollie was on top of her before she could react.

"We can be a lot late if you want." Ollie's voice was lusty in her ear.

Dinah laughed out loud. The pair began to wrestle on the bed. Clothes flew in various directions.

"Can I wrestle too?" Both Dinah and Ollie stopped in mid-roll and looked toward the doorway. Lian stood there with Dinah's sweater in her hands, eyes sparkling brightly.

 **AGE 10**

Lian walked silently down the hallway at Wayne Manor headed toward the master bedroom. She felt as comfortable there as she did in her own home or Queen Manor. A great deal of her childhood had been spent there being watched by various members of the Batclan.

The door to the bedroom was slightly open. She knocked gently and called out as the door swung inward gently.

"Aunt Selina? Damian said you wanted to see me?"

Lian's jaw dropped open in shock. Her Aunt Selina was not alone in the room and more than likely did not want to see her. At all. Uncle Bruce was in the center of the massive bed with his back to the door. The bedcovers pooled around his hips effectively blocking her view of the private parts of the man who terrorized the underworld, and most of the Justice League to be honest, but who read her bedtime stories complete with voices. His back was muscled and broad enough that it blocked her view of the majority of Selina who was on the bed beneath him.

Bruce twisted and gaped at Lian in the doorway. She knew this should be funny, the sight of Batman gaping, but she was horrified. The ten year old archer spun on her heel, grabbed the door, and slammed it behind her.

Bruce turned back and stared down at Selina.

"Did she just say that Damian sent her?" Selina asked slowly.

"I'm going to kill him." Bruce growled.

 **AGE 15**

Lian let herself into the West house with the key her Aunt Artemis had given her. She had Zeta'd from Gotham to Central to give herself some space. It was early enough in the morning, no one accept maybe Alfred would notice she was missing. Aunt Artemis and Uncle Wally had gone away for the weekend leaving Jay and Irey with their grandparents so their house was the perfect place to be alone.

The Wayne Foundation Winter Gala had been the night before and the Queen family never failed to attend. Lian loved the Winter Gala. It supported good causes and Wayne Manor was so breathtaking. The event the night before had only been spoiled by one thing – Damian.

She understood that Wayne and Queen men felt it necessary to present a public façade of a playboy so no one would connect their heroic alter egos back to them. It obviously worked. No one in their right mind had believed Bruce Wayne could possibly be Batman. Damian seemed to not understand that it was FAKE. He grabbed the playboy lifestyle with both hands and embraced it.

To give him credit where credit was due, she realized he did nothing to jeopardize his job as Nightbird the hero persona he had created when he passed Robin on to Helena. He used the same fake drinking routines as the other men but women were a different story. If Damian wasn't scheduled for patrol or a mission he was enjoying the company of assorted females.

It pissed Lian off and she couldn't figure out why. Mostly she ignored him except when they were on Team missions and she had to work with him. After watching women fawn all over him last night she needed to get away.

A noise from the kitchen put her on alert. Had someone broken into the house? A very stupid move if they had. Lian slipped off her jacket and secured her utility belt to her waist. Rule #3 – Never go anywhere without your utility belt. Alfred had been firm when Uncle Bruce had given her the belt as a gift. Lian crept silently towards the kitchen.

In the kitchen Artemis smirked at Wally from her spot on the counter. Her shirt was open revealing the lacy bra and the rock hard abs. Wally was shirtless, he moved forward, nudged her knees apart with his leg. She spread wide for him and he flicked the button on her jeans open as he stepped into the space.

"This was a great idea, Baywatch." She murmured. "Drop the kids and the dog at your parents. Tell everyone we're going out of town and then just stay home with the house to ourselves."

Artemis was just putting her hands on his strong smooth back when another voice interrupted them and both their heads whipped to the kitchen door.

"Why? Why does this keep happening to me?" Lian stood there in jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers, and a utility belt. "It's like I'm cursed. Is that it? Was I cursed as a baby? It's not entirely out of the realm of possibility. We fight Lords of Chaos." The girl turned and walked out of the room leaving Artemis and Wally staring after her. "I'm going to talk to Zatanna, maybe Dr. Fate. There has to be a way to fix this. This and Uncle Dick and Aunt Babs was bad enough but next I'll see Damian and then I'll have to poke my eyes out with a stick. Can't be an archer then, can I?"

The words faded away until they were cut off by the sound of the door opening and closing.


	10. Indignation

WAYNE ENTERPRISES

SELINA KYLE'S OFFICE

AFTERNOON

"Hey, Mom! I'm early for lunch." Helena Wayne bounced in to her mother's office. The sight that greeted her froze her in place.

Selina leaned back over the side of her desk, blouse open. Helena's father, Bruce, leaned over her one hand up her skirt almost to her hip. His other hand was sunk into her long black hair pulling her head back exposing her neck. His mouth was busy kissing and sucking the long expanse of creamy flesh. Selina moaned and her fingers clawed at his suit jacket.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Helena's indignation caused both Selina and Bruce's heads to whip in her direction. Helena pushed the door closed behind her. It latched with a distinct snap. "It's like having teenagers for parents!"

"Andrea isn't even at her desk!" Helena gestured towards the door. "Anyone could just walk in and see…..that."

"Helena, honey." Selina started.

"No. Don't even." Helena held up her hand. "I don't want to hear any excuses. Unbelievable. Two of the most respected heroes on the planet. Catwoman and Batman. If people knew you couldn't control yourselves they'd be shocked."

With that, Helena whirled and went out the door slamming it behind her.

Bruce and Selina looked back at each other silently for a long moment.

"Well, that just happened." Selina grinned at Bruce. "Now, where were we Tiger?"

Bruce lowered his head to catch Selina's mouth just as Helena strode back into the office.

"And another thing…" She gaped at her parents. "Seriously? You didn't learn anything from what just happened? That's it. I give up. I'm having lunch with Damian."

Helena turned and left the office not bothering to close the door this time.


	11. Fearless Leader

WATCHTOWER

TEAM LOUNGE

Batgirl bent over the table and suddenly felt a very masculine Kevlar covered groin pressed against her butt. She paused and smiled.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" As she spoke she straightened up pressing the length of her body into the hard one behind her.

She was answered by a long, low groan. Strong hands gripped her waist, slid up her sides, along her ribcage, and cupped her breasts. It was her turn to moan. Her head fell back against his shoulder and lensed eyes met lensed eyes.

"We haven't been alone together in weeks." Nightwing whispered to her. "Now it's just you and me. Alpha squad isn't due back until tomorrow. Beta squad not for a couple of hours. It's not like the League comes in here."

"Right here? In the lounge?" Batgirl stared at him. "No, no way."

"It's been so long." Nightwing nibbled his way along the parts of her jaw and neck that were exposed slowly turning her in his arms. "I miss you so much."

"Oh, God, miss you too." Batgirl fisted her hands in Nightwing's hair and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

As they kissed Nightwing backed them towards the over large sectional couch. They fell on to it together.

Batgirl wasn't sure how much time had passed when she heard a choked noise to her left. Lust hazed eyes flicked that direction and then widened, clearing suddenly.

"Nightwing! 'Wing!" She got no response from the man on top of her busily working on the catches on her right glove. "Damn it!" Batgirl straightened the first two fingers on her left hand and braced them together. She stabbed them into his exposed ribs. Unfortunately, she hadn't really thought Nightwing's response through.

"Ow! Hey! That really hurt!" The man in question reared up and back completely exposing Batgirl. Her cape and cowl were still on but her upper armour was gone and her top was shoved up as far as it would go revealing her flat stomach and non-Bat regulation bra.

Nightwing himself had stripped down completely except for his Superman briefs and his mask. A movement to his left caused Nightwing to leap up off the couch and land in front of Batgirl in a defensive stance. The horror of the situation in front of him was almost more than his brain could process.

Beta squad had arrived back earlier than anticipated from their mission, much earlier. He stared at the group of young heroes in front of him which included the children of very close friends, his goddaughter, as well as his younger brother and sister.

Lian Harper, the current Speedy and Nightwing's goddaughter, closed her eyes and began to mutter in Vietnamese. From the sounds of it he thought she might be praying, which seemed very odd.

"Excellent." Nightbird's, the new persona of Damian Wayne, arm whipped out to wrap around Robin, the mantle having been taken on by Helena Wayne the sixth in the line, and covered her eyes as he pulled her into his side. "The image we have always wanted to have of our fearless leader – wearing nothing but his mask and his underwear."

Nightbird turned sharply and walked away taking Robin with him. "Superman, no less. Where did Father go so wrong?"


	12. Indignation Redux

_For clarification purposes – Damian is 24, Lian is 20, and Helena is 13 in this story._

 _Anything you recognize belongs to DC._

WAYNE ENTERPRISES

DAMIAN WAYNE'S OFFICE

AFTERNOON

Helena Wayne stalked down the hallway toward her older brother's office. Her annoyance at her parents simmered in her mind. They just couldn't control themselves! Every single Batkid had caught them at some time or another. On rooftops, in the Cave, in the Manor, in the various offices, the list never ended.

It was probably better, Helena supposed, than her classmates whose parents couldn't stand to speak to each other or those who argued incessantly. Right now though she wasn't feeling very generous about the whole situation.

She opened the door to Damian's office and walked in.

"You'll never believe what just happened in Mom's office." She should have known better, really she should have. She stopped short at the sight in front of her.

Damian was seated behind his desk but Helena couldn't see most of him. Her view of him was blocked by the red head seated in his lap. Lian's back was to her with the long, luscious locks covering the bare skin that her discarded shirt laying on the floor should have been covering.

Lian lifted her head and glanced back over her shoulder. Damian shifted slightly so he could see Helena better.

"What are you doing here?" He demanded.

"What? What am I doing?" Helena glared at him. "What are you doing?"

"I think it's pretty obvious what we were doing before you interrupted." Damian smirked at her.

"Damian." Lian hissed and smacked him in the shoulder.

"This is a place of business! First Mom and Dad, now the two of you." Helena was seething. "What is wrong with the people in this family? Don't any of you know what a bedroom is for?"

"Father and Selina? You walked in on them as well? If you stopped walking into offices without knocking this type of thing would not happen to you." Damian smirked again.

"Really? That's your answer?" Helena paused for a moment. "Fine. If you can't beat them, you might as well join them."

With that she swept out of Damian's office closing the door behind her.

"I thought she was never going to leave." Damian murmured to Lian as he slid his hand into her hair. He stopped suddenly and his eyes widened. "What did she mean by that?"

Damian jumped up quickly causing Lian to fall to the floor. He raced frantically into the hallway, Lian laughing behind him.

"Helena!" Damian bellowed. "Helena! Where are you?"


	13. Daddy's Little Girl

_It seemed like it was time that the tide started to turn against the parents/mentors. Lian gets to be first because, let's face it, she was the most traumatized._

STAR CITY

ARROW CAVE

WEAPONS LOCKER

Jade walked into the weapons locker to find her husband arming himself with more equipment than usual.

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you." She ran her hands seductively over his uniform. "You know I love you in this but it wasn't quite what I had in mind for our date tonight."

"I have to go to Gotham." Roy told her through gritted teeth.

"Gotham, you have to go to Gotham?" Jade looked confused. "There can't possibly be anything that big going on that it requires more boots on the ground than they already have. If it was a male testosterone thing Ollie would be right here with you getting ready which he isn't so what's going on?"

"Should let Ollie know, he can help." Roy muttered.

"Help with what, Roy? What is the big emergency in Gotham that is making you cancel one of the few nights we get to ourselves?" Jade demanded.

"I'm going to kill the little Demon once and for all." He spat.

"Let me get this straight. You're going to go to Gotham, kill the Demon whom I'm assuming is Damian, after you track him down of course, and hope you make it out of there without any of the Batfamily being the wiser." Jade spoke in the patient tone of a parent humouring a small child, a small smile on her lips.

"This isn't funny!" Roy glared at her. "You didn't see what I saw him do to Lian on the security tapes!"

All the blood drained out of Jade's face. She gripped Roy's arm tightly. "What did he do to her? What did he do to our baby?"

"It was awful." He hung his head and his voice was quiet. "He had her pressed up against the wall. His hands were, were under her shirt. He was kissing her so she couldn't scream. She was clawing at his back."

"I bet she was." Jade's voice had a slight quaver. Roy looked at his wife expecting to see tears. Jade was certainly shaking but not from restraining tears.

"Are you laughing?" Roy was shocked at Jade's response.

"This whole scenario that you described doesn't sound at all familiar to you?" Jade responded. "Like last week when you had me pinned to the wall familiar?"

"It is not the same!" Roy was horrified.

"Oh, I'm afraid it is." Jade was clearly amused. "Daddy's Little Girl is all grown up."

"She wouldn't!" Roy was desperately grasping at straws. "She's too young."

"She's nineteen, Roy." Jade was getting exasperated. "You didn't honestly think she was going to stay a virgin forever." Jade watched the guilty expression on Roy's face and rolled her eyes. "Honestly, men. If all the girls didn't grow up to have sex who would you boys grow up to have sex with?"

"Fine!" Roy sulked. "It doesn't have to be all the girls just mine."

"Well cheer up, word on the street is that those Batkids are really, really good at what they do." Jade smirked at him.

"Jade!"


	14. Payback

_Payback is a B****, Damian, and little sisters grow up. Damian is 29, Jon is 24, and Helena is 18._

METROPOLIS

A ROOFTOP

NIGHT

Nightbird, the hero otherwise known as Damian Wayne, clung to the side of a skyscraper in Metropolis. He was in town on WE business and just felt the need to stretch his legs. Working in the city disagreed with him, with all the family to be honest. It was too clean, too sleek, too not Gotham. The Supers were welcome to it.

Nightbird moved to shoot off a grapple when movement caught his eye. From the north he could see Superboy rising through the buildings. Superboy's back was to him, cape fluttering around him.

When Jon was old enough Conner had done the same as Damian had done with Helena. He had created a new identity for himself and passed his own mantle down. Jon had chosen to wear a uniform more like his father's than his uncle's which included the traditional cape.

Superboy turned in the air at that moment revealing that his arms were full of a uniformed woman with her legs wrapped around his waist and her mouth fastened securely to his. Damian chuckled. Jon was a member of his Team and somehow, despite the almost five year age difference, they were close friends. He liked to think he had inspired Jon's impressive track record with women. Or at least he had before he admitted to his feelings for Lian and left that all behind him. Someday Jon would find his own Lain and stop jumping from woman to woman.

In the meantime…Damian's eyes narrowed as the kiss broke and the woman pulled back revealing her face. Damian hissed and activated the scanner in his mask that would enlarge the area giving him a better view of the woman's face. He snarled as the picture snapped into focus. Robin. The Kryptonian had his hands, his _mouth_ , all over Damian's baby sister. This would _not_ be allowed to stand.

He pushed the anger back as Superboy began to speak. Batman insisted they all learn to read lips for tactical situations were bugs or getting close enough to listen were out of the question. The farm, they were going to the farm.

Smallville

Kent Family Farm

Night

Jon Kent lay on his back on the roof of the barn staring at the night sky filled with stars. Helena Wayne rose from his side to straddle his hips and rise above him blocking his view of the stars. Both were out of uniform, in civilian clothing.

Dark hair billowed around her; draped down to caress his face, cat shaped green eyes stared into his blue ones.

"You're so beautiful, so smart, so deadly." Jon's hands gripped her hips for a moment then slid up under her t-shirt slowly. "How did I get this lucky?"

Helena shivered as his hands roamed. "I chased you until you caught me." She leaned down and captured his mouth in a kiss. She moaned as his fingers slid into the waistband of her jeans flicking the button open.

Suddenly she was yanked up and away, sent tumbling across the roof. She rolled with it coming up in a battle stance prepared to fight her attacker when she was grabbed from behind and locked in place.

"Don't move Cub." A familiar voice growled in her ear.

She twisted slightly, looking up to gape at her second oldest brother. "Jason?"

"Just relax. We'll deal with this."

The shock of Helena being ripped away from him, followed by the sight of the figure looming over him froze Jon in place.

"Damian?" He whispered. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" Damian snarled. "I am retrieving my baby sister from your clutches. She is not for you to use like one of your other girls. You are supposed to be my friend!"

"I am your friend and I would never do that to Helena anyway!" Jon edged up into a sitting position.

"Damian." Helena spoke from her position still locked in Jason's arms.

"Do not worry Cub. I will get to you." Damian didn't even spare her a glance.

"You'll…." Helena sputtered in indignation. She raised her right foot and stumped down on the arch of Jason's foot. She knew precisely the right angle at which to hit him. It wouldn't hurt through his boot but it should startle him into loosening his grip.

It worked. His grip loosened enough for her to slam her elbow into his solar plexus. Jason's breath was knocked out his lungs and Helena spun out of his grip. She headed straight for Damian.

Damian's only warning was Jon's eyes widening slightly. The impact of Helena's boot caught him in the middle of his back and sent him tumbling. He flipped over Jon, spun in the air, landing on his feet facing Helena.

He snorted at the sight of her. She stood perpendicular to him and Jason over Jon, waiting for one of them to strike.

"Going to let a little girl fight your battles for you, Kent?" Contempt dripped in Damian's tone.

"I've learned that when the women in your family are pissed off, Damian, it's best not to get in their way." Jon tried to keep a wary eye on all three Bats at once. "Also, I think calling her a little girl isn't going to help you."

"I can handle my sister." Damian sneered.

Helena's eyes narrowed but before she could speak a cold, stern voice rang out.

"You're all getting down off this roof and explaining yourselves. No one will be handling anyone."

Four pairs of startled eyes looked beyond the roof to see Clark, Conner, and Bruce hovering there. It took several long seconds before the shock passed and they all realized Bruce was standing on the Batwing.

"Father." Damian began.

"Don't Damian. You heard Clark. Get off the roof. We're going to talk about your behaviour on the ground." With that all three men began to lower slowly to the ground.

When the other four joined the three men on the ground Bruce glared at each of them in turn.

"What were you thinking attacking Jon?" He demanded.

"You do not understand Father." Damian responded heatedly. "He had his hands all over Helena's person. It was not to be tolerated."

"I was more than happy with Jon's hands, and anything else he wanted, being all over my person." Helena stepped forward.

"You're not old enough to have a say." Jason moved to stand in front of her.

"Hey!" Helena shoved her way back in front of Jason and rounded on him. "I'm an adult and it's my body. I get to decide who touches it and who doesn't. If I want every member of the Team and the League to lay their hands on me that's my call. Not my Neanderthal big brothers."

"What?" Jon looked up from staring at the ground.

"What is your problem with Jon dating Helena anyway?" Conner stepped forward. "We're all practically family. Clark is her Godfather."

"Our problem?" Damian sneered. "He does not need Helena as another notch on his bedpost."

"That's not how it is with Helena!" Jon protested.

"Enough!" Bruce roared.

"Yes, Daddy, it's enough." With that Helena took two long strides toward Jon and leapt. Her legs wrapped around his waist and her hands fisted tightly in his black hair. Her mouth fastened to his in deep kiss.

Jon froze. His arms hung straight out to his sides, palms out, hands spread wide facing the men in front of him. He tried desperately to keep one eye trained on Damian and Jason to his left and his father, Conner, and his Uncle Bruce to his right. He was quite sure that he was going to drop dead from a Batglare on either side at any moment. There was also a slight possibility that his father or uncle might decide to do some damage after the bedpost comment.

Helena lifted her mouth from his. "Chicken." She breathed the word so softly he wasn't sure his father or uncle would have heard. She turned her head to look at her brothers. "Am I clear?"

Before anyone could respond a voice cut through the clear summer night. "Helena Martha Wayne, you will climb down off that boy this instant. You've scared him near to death and almost given your father an aneurysm." Martha Kent stood on the porch of the farmhouse with her arms crossed a disapproving look on her face. Jonathan Kent stood next to her but Helena thought he was trying not to laugh. Ma hadn't even looked at Damian and Jason but her next remark was addressed to them. "Wipe those smirks off your faces. I'm extremely disappointed in both of you."

"Yes Ma'am" Came the chorus from Helena's brothers. They had the courtesy to look somewhat ashamed. Helena slid down off Jon and stood facing Ma but slipped her hand into Jon's giving it a squeeze.

"Since the first night Jon brought you here to sit on the roof of the barn and watch the stars we've been waiting to hear the news. This wasn't quite what we expected." Helena and Jon looked at their grandparents in shock. Martha smiled indulgently. "Did you think we wouldn't know what was happening here? We always know."

"He is your grandson. Of course you are okay with this." Damian muttered.

"Damian." Martha's tone was lightly rebuking. "I held your sister when she was minutes old. I placed her in your arms for the first time. Do you really doubt I love her as one of my own?"

"No." Damian admitted then his eyes flashed. "He is not what Helena needs. He does not remain with women, he goes through them quickly."

"Who did he learn that from?" Martha asked quietly. Damian had the grace to look away. "Yet you come here and start a fight on our barn, you and Jason, like Helena was some piece of property you could squabble over. He won't hurt Helena. He'll answer to me if he does."

All eyes turned to Jon and he squirmed under the scrutiny. Helena opened her mouth to speak but this time Jon squeezed her hand.

"I thought about this long and hard before we started dating. I knew, we knew, that everyone was going to be less than accepting about this. That's why we wanted to be sure that starting something was right for us, why we have been keeping quiet about it. I won't hurt Helena. She's special to me." He smiled down at her.

Bruce felt something inside him break. Selina had warned him. There would come a day when there would be a boy who wouldn't be like the other boys. The boys Helena dated because it was fun, that didn't mean anything, that never got more than the smallest kiss. Lord knows Gotham would be littered with bodies otherwise. No, this time the boy would mean something. Only it wasn't a boy, it was a man. A man who his baby girl looked at like her mother looked at him.

Martha smiled at the two beautiful young people that were her youngest grandchildren. "I think that's enough for one night. Everyone should go home. Helena, you'll go home with your father. No arguments. You have to face your mother and that will be less than pleasant but you can divert some of her displeasure to your brothers."

Everyone nodded and began to head their separate ways. Damian and Jason not the least bit pleased at the prospect of Selina's wrath. Bruce took a moment for a deep breath then nodded to his daughter who was still holding hands with Jon.

"Martha. Jonathan." He turned to fully face the couple. "I apologize for the behaviour of my children. They…are passionate in many things particularly the people they care for."

"Then Jon is lucky Helena cares for him." Martha smiled. "Don't worry about this, Bruce. We love them all. It isn't the first time this farm has seen a fight. At least the barn is undamaged this time."

"In that case could I bother you for some bleach?" The man asked tiredly.

"Bleach?" Jonathan was confused.

"Yes, I'd liked to see if I can get the image of my daughter wrapped around your grandson out for my head." Bruce responded.

"Oh honey." Martha laughed. "If bleach could do that your kids would have been buying it by the truckload for years."


End file.
